Why Smart People Fail at Relationships

Why Smart People Fail at Relationships

It doesn't matter what your IQ is and how much you have achieved academically. Even heads of organizations can fail to see how important their relationships are to the success of the business. Successful, accomplished people may have great difficulty in personal and professional relationships where they need to relate to others in an emotionally intelligent fashion. Due to new insights into brain functioning and how we develop, it is much clearer what it takes to help build and sustain productive, meaningful professional and personal relationships.

Attachment patterns that are laid down in the brain during childhood determine whether we are successful or fail at relationships. It doesn’t matter what your IQ is and how much you have achieved academically. Even heads of organizations can fail to see how important their relationships are to the success of the business. Successful, accomplished people may have great difficulty in personal and professional relationships where they need to relate to others in an emotionally intelligent fashion. Due to new insights into brain functioning and how we develop, it is much clearer what it takes to help build and sustain productive, meaningful professional and personal relationships.

If the attachment pattern is inadequate, the brain develops coping strategies that are self-protective in nature. It does this to provide psychological balance and wards off feelings that can overwhelm us. However, these coping styles are usually based on the emotional reasoning of a child and fail to support us as adults. In addition, these patterns of behaviour leave us feeling insecure underneath.

The following are some of the behaviours associated with dysfunctional attachment patterns based on the scales on the Emotional Quotient Inventory:

Intrapersonal Relations: Low Self-Regard and Self Esteem; Excessive clinging, jealousy or excessive independent behavior; Discomfort with intimacy and affection.

Interpersonal Relations Difficulty developing or maintaining relationships; Power struggles; Lack of Empathy; Difficulty with authority figures; Absence of compassion and remorse.

Stress Management Unable to manage stress and adversity; Poor impulse control and inability to regulate feelings and emotions; Aggression and dominance.

Mood Regulation Lack of optimism; pessimistic; Apathy and inability to self-activate.

Because of the brain’s capacity for lifelong change and development, the potential for Attachment Repatterning gives us the power to change our current approach to relationships. Emotional Intelligence can be developed by getting to know your Attachment Pattern and developing a plan to do something about it.